I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
