He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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