I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
