Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
