I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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