final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
