i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
