Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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