I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize