omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
