So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
