Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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