I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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