I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
