i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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