you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
