Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
