How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
