just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
