You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You are the jesus of drinking
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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