Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
