just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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