I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
