My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
