Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
