i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
