I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
