Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
