At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
