i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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