are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
