"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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