Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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