nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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