you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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