when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
