Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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