u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
