Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
