watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
