To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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