Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
