the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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