I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
