WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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