Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
