OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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