were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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