I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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