why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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