The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
