I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
