you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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