Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
