Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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