Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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