ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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