if i can run in heels then i can drive
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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