and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
