it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize