I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
