I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
