I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
