STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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