she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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