do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
