I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
