you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
