The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Randomize
