i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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