The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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