I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
