i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
