Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
