I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
