I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
