ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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