I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
