dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it was like eating out sand paper
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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