did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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