Swine flu is the new snow day.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
