I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
