At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
bring money and cleavage
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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