I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
