drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
