Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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