I think scott just propositioned me for sex
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
