New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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