Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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