who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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