I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
