I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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