I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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