I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Congratulations! We have a period
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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