did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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