is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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