you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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