i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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