They should really pass out barf bags in church
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
