not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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