definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
