Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
