ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
