After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
