I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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