who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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