I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
