so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
