You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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