Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
