On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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