my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
