I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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