it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
